it's been a stressful month. I'm not sure what all Ive said about my life up to date, because honestly I havent written in a while, but my grandfather passed at the beginning of the month, which was hard to deal with, and we got a kitten that's really been doing well since we brought her home, but she got Pico sick so we had to take him to the vet and spend 150 dollars on his kitty cold. He's all better now though and seems to adore Lili though he tends to thwap the hell out of her when she pounces him too much.

Aside from this expense, we had to spend 1500 on moving expenses. The deposit was 500 rent was 700 and deposits were around 240 for electric and 60 for water. and there was a moving fee for my internet/phone. Expensive shit. I'm leaving Sheila the 150 dollar heater that we bought for the house an since she really needed a new one, she's not charging us for this last month staying here, which wouldn't have mattered because I wouldnt be paying it anyway. 

Anyway I considered taking the day off and laying back down just to destress and all but it's a busy day at work and i need the texts, plus I took those days off at the beginning of the month to deal with grampa's passing, and I just can't afford to take another one off this month. 

Zack's finally got a job though so he'll be getting paid from now on, which will help immensely when it comes time for rent. He offered to pay half, though i told him really he should only have to pay a third of it. still he said a half, and so I'm going to take a bit off his utilities because there are three of us. 

It's sheer luck that we all have the same days off this week. Jon and me and zack are moving everything except the stuff we need to live on tues and wednesday, then next tues we're moving everything else over and then we'll all be moved in and settled. 

I just realized this is probably really boring for anyone reading this. Really it's just me working things out in my head like Ive done seven. million. times this month. I need a plan so much that I obsess over it. it's the only way i can destress about all this crap

Oh here you go. while we were out last week my daughter came over from mum's house, found we werent' home, went inside anyway (Ive told her never to do that...she's too young to be here alone) and decided to dump all the food into the fish tanks. then she put the kitten in one of them. i don't know if she was washing it or what, but she knew she shoulnt be doing that. the second I got home and noticed it she started wailing that i was going to be angry with her. which yes, yes I was, but i managed to not scream at her. she could've drowned the kitten or gotten electrocuted since jon's computer is RIGHT there. with lots of wires. I'm just glad nothing got hurt. 

She was in big trouble though, bigger trouble because she panicked an started running DOWN THE ROAD away from me, mom, and dad. gramma had to talk her back like a hostage negotiator or she would've kept going

Anyway that's MY craziness for the week. Five year old logic is terrifying. That's all I'm saying.

Bloogle

Fuckballs. I'm soooooo blegh lately. I can't concentrate on writing or much anything else. My brain's been covered in a thick wall of goo and mucus.  Ugh.  This morning I woke up and literally started hucking up mucus. Lots of ugh.  But I'm hoping it gets better soon. Jon has given me a direct order to stoppit right now but it's not really working on the germs that're creating this stuff.

Anyway I'm bored right now watching King of the Hill on Roku and considering getting a bowl of the awesome beans we had last night for supper. soooo good. But we dont have any more cornbread. we polished off the whole pan last night.

He tried to make me go back into town to get more cornbread but it didnt happen lol. the dork.

I'm glad he can cook. I"m horrible with that sort of thing myself. I can't boil water.   He's supposed to make me some french toast soon.  Not like today but like, in the future. :D  He makes it with coffee cake.

God I have nothing to talk about right now. My life's boring.

There is always something new to learn in life. I like to think I'm lucky that I have a boyfriend and a daughter that can  both teach me things about myself and about life in general  on a daily basis.  I don't kid myself; I'm only a semidecent mother and if i were with any man who had more of a sex drive than jon does I'd be considered a negligent girlfriend in the whole sexual arena of things.

But we compliment each other. Neither of us really want sex, but we have companionship that can't be beat. He's doing really well with maddy. I dont know how he handles her really. She's a wonderful kid but she's about as annoying as I am...and I can be very annoying when I want attention.

.....

I totally was going to say stuff but i dont remember what they are.

Christmas is fucking coming up quick as fuck. Bought ash a fucking transformer, got my mum a bracelet that jon helped me pick out and a necklace for mom from madison, and then we bought his daddy a helicopter toy thingy and my daddy has an action bible...it's a bible but it's like. a comic book. It's freaking awesome. And then we got maddy a tent and playdough and a few other things and blablabla.  And got turtle some stuff.

Omg turtle. I want him to move back home. we totally miss him.  Zack was definitely the best roommate i've ever had in my life and hell jon liked him too.

And this is nothing but rambling and blablabla

And when I see my reflection in the snow covered hills...

I've been afraid of changes because I built my life around you, Time makes you bolder, children get older and I"m getting older too.